Name: R

Email: Removed for Privacy

Hi Doree,

I’m currently reading one of Dr. Hawkins’ books and I find the concept very intriguing. I think letting go has the potential to be very helpful to me in my life, I could really benefit from getting a handle on many of my negative emotions that are holding me back from living “better”.

However, I am having a very difficult time with the actual “letting go” process. Whenever I notice a negative emotion, I either sit comfortably or lie down and just let myself experience the emotion.

Sometimes I zone out or start thinking about something else, and the emotion lessens in intensity or goes away from the surface, but I don’t feel that I have really let it go. As soon as I think about it again, I feel the same feelings. Sometimes I replay whatever the cause of my emotion was to get back on track but I feel that I am just sitting with it for very long periods of time but not accomplishing anything.

I am a med student and I have very little free time so it’s difficult for me to start to try to let go if I am uncertain that I will be able to get anywhere in a reasonable amount of time. I have sat for an hour before and not felt much different.

What am I doing wrong? Is there any advice you can offer?

Thank you very much!

Answer:

Hello R and thank you for writing.

You’re doing nothing wrong. Please don’t give up. Instead, appreciate the courage it’s taken you to honestly look inside yourself.

For some, letting go brings up resistance. A part of you, (ego) believes the emotional trauma held in your body is protective. The struggle you describe (escaping into other thoughts, a sense of poor results or time wasting) suggest what you’re doing is working! Stick with it.

Incidentally, you don’t need free time to let go. Once learned, the practice can be applied anytime and anywhere.

I have one more suggestion. Take 5 minutes and make a list of the emotional traumas you carry. If you like, rate the discomfort each causes you, from 1-10 (1 = benign/harmless and 10 = debilitating). Once you have the list, put it away for a few months and build your letting go practice. Keep in mind, letting go is contemplative (you don’t need to set aside time – unless you want to). On occasion, check back with your list. Now you can measure the results of letting go.

If you have a specific issue that seems sticky please send it to me. I’ll put my intuitive hat on and have a look.

A Big Hug for you!

Doree

Name: D M

Email: removed for privacy

Hi Doree

I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I have read David’s letting go book.
I recovered from depression/anxiety with a different but more or less identical approach. David’s book helped me realize that letting go is a universal healing tool.

I have a quick question. I tend to have global feelings of underlying heaviness and background physical tension. I am letting go on those feelings and they are coming and going but generally lessening. I want to practice on specifics relating to money and abundance. However, I find it difficult to locate specific emotions relating to these or any other issues. The underlying emotion/presenting symptom is always this non-specific tension/tight feeling. Usually centering around my neck/upper back. I wondered whether you have any thoughts on this?

Do you ever do one to one coaching by Skype?

Cheers

D

Answer:

Thank you, D, for sharing your positive results with the letting go process. I agree with you! It is a “universal healing tool.”

Now let’s look at your question.

Intuitively, I feel an achy sense of impatience in your neck (on either side). This contributes to a heaviness. As if your neck is tired holding up your head! Can you let go on those sensations? Breathe into whatever you notice in and around your body.

I’m familiar with what you’re going through. Some years ago, I was on a quest to master the money realm. However, I became so pridefully driven that I unknowingly attracted a horrible scam. I lost everything, including valued relationships and my health. As you know from reading my blog, my life has improved dramatically. I no longer hold the belief that money will bring me any form of happiness. Happiness is an inside job.

Through Dr Hawkin’s teachings, I now consider myself a steward of the abundance in my life (this includes money). I remind myself, “Nothing is permanent.” It’s all on loan to me – compliments of the Divine.

One last thing. Have a look at when you feel in a hurry about making more money. This sense of hurry is your trigger to practice letting go. Quiet the thoughts and breath into the sensations until you feel very calm. With you, I would also add, breathe until you take a full chest, breath (like a deep sigh….) It could take some time before you can breathe really deeply. Be patient with yourself.

Much love to you.

Doree

Name: MM
Dear Doree, I love your web and podcast and I love Dr Hawkins and his books.I read fascinated in the final of “Letting go, the pathway of surrender” the doctor’s story who “letting go” his glasses…I have also strong glasses…and I wish to know how I “letting go” my glasses too!And my second issue – sorry… – is a lymphoedema who partially cover my throat and face. A little pressure sensation…and anxiety about the future…Is there any advice you can offer me for this two problems?Thank you very much and a Big Hug for you!!

I love your web and podcast and I love Dr Hawkins and his books.I read fascinated in the final of “Letting go, the pathway of surrender” the doctor’s story who “letting go” his glasses…I have also strong glasses…and I wish to know how I “letting go” my glasses too!And my second issue – sorry… – is a lymphoedema who partially cover my throat and face. A little pressure sensation…and anxiety about the future…Is there any advice you can offer me for this two problems?Thank you very much and a Big Hug for you!!
(and sorry for my bad english…)

Answer:

Dearest MM

So nice to hear from you and with a topic I can personally relate to – improving eyesight. I too have heard the Doc tell his story of throwing away his trifocals and driving blind for 6 weeks! It inspired me too. I’m nearsighted with astigmatism. Two summers ago, I set my glasses aside for over a month. My goals were to constantly let go. To surrender what I thought I should see.

I had partial success. Some moments my vision would sharpen fully. I could read tiny numbers on a digital clock from 5 meters away. Or I’d be practicing yoga when suddenly I could see myself clearly in the mirror when moments before, I was just a blur. There were other times, however, when I felt it was too reckless not to be wearing my glasses. I brought them with me on a driving trip to the United States. I’d pop them on going through unfamiliar towns. In the end, I still wear my glasses but I continue to take them off at times throughout the day. My eye doctor discouraged me from doing this but I still have an intention to try again. Maybe next summer.

I guess I would ask you why you want to improve your vision. What would be your intention?  I couldn’t really come up with a powerful intention. It was something I just wanted to experience – nothing profound really. Now your other mentioned affliction, lymphedema. This feels like something you are deeply motivated to improve. I sense it has become a huge part of your identity. What I mean is, you are very informed of this condition and you think about it sometimes constantly. I’m going to suggest something radical.

What if you let go everything you know about this condition (including the name)? Each time it came up in your thoughts, you let go and canceled paying any attention to it. Take a vacation, mentally and emotionally from it! Give yourself permission to go on a 6 week break from anything to do with lymphedema. Tell others in your life (who might bring it up), you’re on vacation. I mean, don’t you feel you’ve earned a break?

Of course, it’s up to you. But if you do choose the holiday, please write me again. I’d love to hear what was revealed by the letting go experience.

Again, wonderful to hear from you, my dear.

Name: L

I am going through a painful period of loss and growth in my life right now as I let go of an important relationship. It seems the perfect time to practice letting go. I’m in the process of reading the book.  I believe I am someone who has become adept at pushing away feelings in order to protect myself — probably beginning from the death of my father at age 5.I have many many stabs of grief and heaviness  throughout the day and I do try to relax into them.  It seems that something deep inside of me pushes away these painful physical sensations as soon as possible, before I can really feel them or really let them go. I’m sure it’s a coping mechanism, but  not so sure it’s serving me now.Then there are other times, when I’m feeling less triggered and want to practice letting go but can’t really feel much of anything in my body. I’d love to get some advice for both of those situations. It seems that I’m trying to work with very fleeting access to feelings. That’s not to say I don’t feel things — it’s just hard to access my feelings.Love your website, but still looking for more resources. Can you recommend other books or websites that promote similar ideas about letting go?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

L

Hello my Dear L,

It is with deep admiration I write this response. The depth of self-awareness you share is so inspiring! As is your honesty and willingness to do the inner work.

As you know from all the self-inquiry you’ve done, this is not easy work. I sometimes say, letting go is the hardest work I’ve ever done. Letting go is simple, it’s just not easy. So we ask ourselves, “How am I making this more complicated than it is?”

Regarding letting go of a relationship, there are only two parts. The first addresses the “business” of the relationship. The logistical decisions and matter of fact steps two people take to conclude certain details. This may include legal agreements or simply who gets what or creating a new definition of how or if we will relate. The other part is managing the emotions and states connected to grief and loss, fear of the future, unmet desires, anger, and disappointment.

So let’s look at the first part which I sense might be easier for you. If you are dealing with the business aspects of the relationship and any emotions arise, use the letting go technique. Then get back to “business”. If the emotions become overwhelming you may choose to consciously suppress them. Later, when circumstances are more conducive you can let go.

Let’s say you’re at that point. You feel it’s an optimal time to let go. So you sit quietly and mine the body for sensations. And find nothing. You feel numb. At moments like this (and I’ve experienced many), I accept the numbness. I might even ask for more  🙂  I also revisit my intention which is to let go the negative emotions held in my body.

Living by intention guides a letting go practice. To do this get clear on your healing intention(s). Write them down. Revisit these a couple times each day. Surrender any undesired thoughts around the intention. And let go on any emotions that arise connected with your intention. For a deeper explanation on how this works, check this post.

Quite often when we think nothing is happening so much is! However, it occurs just under the surface of our conscious awareness. When you get discouraged, assume this is the case. Be sure to notice when, out of the blue, you feel liberated.

Finally, honour the wisdom of the wee 5 year old inside, who lost her Daddy. It served her to learn how to cope with negative emotions by “adeptly pushing away her feelings” and perhaps those of others. Then celebrate the woman you are now. This amazing being has realized her skill in emotional suppression no longer serves her. Well done! I hope you get how extraordinary you are.

Resources: I’m sure you’ve already read my post on grief. If not, find it here. Regarding other resources, I recommend another superb book by Dr Hawkins called,

Healing and Recovery    as well as any of his Office Series available for listening on Audible. For some people determined to apply mental techniques to healing, Byron Katie’s, The Work can be helpful. She has many free video examples on her website.

Peace.

Dear Doree,

I suffer horribly from widespread chronic pain. Doctors call it Fibromyalgia. I won’t label my pain, its just awful. Just started reading David’s book. What do I do when its so bad? What can I say to my self? Ignoring it doesn’t help. Accepting it is emotionally disturbing.D

Answer:

Dear D

I’m so sorry you are going through this horrible pain. Oh my dear. Perhaps I could share some information and make a few suggestions to lessen your suffering.

Here are my thoughts in no particular order.

Letting go of chronic pain using the method shared on this website and featured in Dr Hawkins’ book involves first quieting the mind. When you ask, “What can I say to myself?” I would encourage, if you need to say anything, say something like:

“I am willing to let go and I’m worth the time I’m taking to do this for myself.”

Then select a method to quiet the mind that works for you and complete the letting go steps. For suggestions on How to Quiet the Mind visit this page.

If you actively, “ignore” chronic pain, this is setting up a resistance to the pain. What we resist often persists. We feel even worse. Instead, I invite you to try both willingness and acceptance. Specifically the willingness to apply the Letting Go technique and the intention to accept sensations as they arise.

Fibromyalgia seems to affect many people these days, especially women. I learned from Dr Mario Martinez, who works with those suffering from fibromyalgia, that it’s caused by a profound lack of delta sleep. He also shared that typically in those afflicted, their bodies have been programmed (usually from traumatic past experiences) to maintain a hyper-vigilant state. The fibromyalgia sufferer’s body simply won’t reset to a state of calm relaxation. This can go on for decades and can lead to sleep disorders and eventually fibromyalgia symptoms.

Finally, it can be very helpful to learn the relationship between mind and body found in Chapter 15 of Letting Go. Dr Hawkins also wrote a superb book called, Healing and Recovery (2009).
There’s a chapter devoted to Pain and Suffering. He suggests learning self-hypnosis to create an altered state of consciousness. I regularly use self-hypnosis to achieve deep relaxation of my body. One of the methods I use was inspired by the work of Robert Monroe (Hemisync – Gateways).

If I have sensations (I’ve come to interpret) as physical pain, I do two things under ideal circumstances. First, I find a way to get into a state of relaxation and then I practice letting go.

I hope these suggestions give you comfort.

Love,

Doree

Name: C

I want to learn letting go of my self-criticism & judgment… In particular I want to learn letting go of my feeling of neediness… Needing affection, needing approval, needing praise.

I KNOW I’m good. I KNOW I’m worthy of love…. But there are days when I just don’t connect with the FEELING of being okay without being appreciated or validated or adored or wanted or needed by others. And I notice my wanting-ness, and hear my specific requesting-ness, but still feel overwhelmed with neediness and disappointed-ness, and wanting love from someone or somewhere outside myself…. In these moments I notice my feeling of neediness and don’t know how to let go in those moments!

Dearest C,

I love this topic! Thank you so much for writing and for bravely sharing. Here’s what comes up for me when I connect with your words.

What’s so terribly wrong about being needy?

And who is asking?

Playing the role of asking, “Why am I so damn needy?!” is our inner critic. Also known as the superego (a kind of nasty, authoritative parent) and often at the root of our suffering. And here’s the kicker. None of our self-criticism, none of our judgment is ever true.

Ever.

So back to what’s wrong with being needy?

Absolutely nothing!

You are human and you have needs.

Marshall Rosenberg created a needs inventory. Have a look. My sense is that underneath your struggle with wants and desires, lies a real need. You’re worthy of having these needs met.

The letting go practice can help you here. In the uncomfortable moments you describe, I encourage you to quiet your mind. To breathe. Allow the sensations and if you can, go deeper. One very effective strategy while letting go distressing sensations is to, ask for more. Dive into the shadow and explore the outer reaches of your neediness.

Over time life has a way of processing out what we describe as unwanted neediness. Even without you’re attention to the matter, over time it will naturally process out of your consciousness. I encourage you to revisit this exact letter a year from now. You’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come. Some of the struggles you describe will be a faint memory.

Thank you for writing and reminding me of my need for connection.

Love!

Doree

Dear Doree,

I am almost finished reading the book (Letting Go), however, I am still struggling with the actual mechanism. I have noticed a better overall sense and outlook on things. However, one thing that has been absolutely consuming me is fear of lack. I am completely stuck in fear and desire for money. We have a lot of debt, I lost my job so we are on my husband’s salary alone. I watch the debt pile up and I don’t see an end. I make it a practice to “cast the burden of lack on God” (as in The Game Of Life and How To Play It), however, nothing is changing. I feel that my fear and desire alone is blocking the flow of money. I just want relief of the debt and worry. I don’t know how to let go of these feelings because the problems still exist. Please help.

S.

Thank you S! I created a post called Letting Go of STRESS there you’ll find my response to your excellent question.

Hi Doree,

I was wondering if the Sedona Method is the same method of letting go that Dr David R Hawkins speaks of in his book. The same method that you yourself talk of.

I have tried to let a feeling come up, let it rest there and then let it go, but it doesn’t feel right. Like I’m doing it wrong or something. I don’t seem to feel as much emotion in the resting there as I feel like I should, and so then it doesn’t feel like I’ve let it go at all.

I’m wondering if there is anywhere in Australia that you know of, or elsewhere that teaches this method in a retreat or as a course, so that at least I could feel like I’m getting it right.

Thank you so much for your inspiration!

C

Hi C,

I’m thrilled to hear from you and to learn I’ve inspired you.

Dr Hawkins apparently worked with Lester Levenson the creator of the Sedona Method back in the 80’s. I’m quite familiar with The Sedona Method having used it myself. At present, Hale Dowaskin has the license and has produced many courses and products including a series of apps called Letting Go.

For me, the strength of Dr Hawkin’s method is what it doesn’t include. It is absent of mentalizing in any form. The Sedona Method has you asking yourself questions. I found this aspect kept me in my head. I have a tendency to over-think. I analyze. Heck, I even dramatize! Any excuse to stay in the intellect sees me refining and reshaping the issue. Many people escape into substances, overeating, mindlessly watching TV. I escape into my mind. This awareness makes Dr Hawkin’s, Letting Go method a fit for me.

Now to what you present in the second paragraph of your letter. “I have tried…but it doesn’t feel right…I’m doing it wrong…I should…” These are all judgments you’ve made. Criticisms which won’t occur in a quiet mind.

I cannot overemphasize the value of a quiet mind. This could take time and vigilance on your part but you have nothing to lose. Thoughts, such as the ones you shared, are resistance to letting go.

I would love to say I know of a practitioner in Oz, who teaches, Letting Go. The closest I’ve been is with an online group I lead last year. Participants joined from as far off as Germany and Texas. We met weekly on GoToMeeting for 6 months and practiced together for an hour. And the synergistic healing available in a group is outstanding!. One member would bring up an issue. We’d all go silent and practice letting go. Not surprising, participants reported feeling better (lighter, more relaxed, fresh) even when an issue wasn’t theirs. I loved it! 🙂

Finally, please know the power of your intention. If it is to, “let go,” no matter what, (and no giving up) you will be successful. Inner freedom is not obtained overnight. Enjoy the journey!

Much love to you,

Doree

Hi Doree,

I am delighted to meet you in cyber space. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing my post and tweets with your followers, and for all the helpful information you have on this site.

I printed out your post on letting go as I was having trouble fully understanding the process from Dr. Hawkin’s last book on surrender and letting go. I focused on shame/embarrassment over reckless behavior towards myself that happened many years ago after drinking a little too much at the time.

I felt emotions of sadness move up to my heart area when I remembered the incident. Then unrelated random memories of other harmless but lack of good judgement actions came into my awareness; surprisingly I felt anger which moved from my solar plexus to my throat.

My question is: Should I replace these uncomfortable emotions with a different feeling such as Dr. Martinez suggested (per your post “Letting Go of Being Humiliated”?). I am concerned that as I am stirring up these feelings, I am not doing the exercises of letting go correctly and they will continue to have a negative impact in my life. How do I know my letting go session is working?

My dear fellow blogger, Suflight,

I’m grateful for our connection too. You’ve asked a powerful question which I’ll respond to first.

“How do I know my letting go session is working?”

According to Dr Hawkins and in my own experience, you’ve let go, when you detect only “a benign indifference” on the matter. Complete letting go (which can take some time) has required me to dig into my own dark side. For me, learning about the antics of the ego can be helpful.

Carl Jung said,

“Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

What he’s referring to (I think) is the process Doc alludes to as well. Fearlessly clearing what stands in the way of our true Self. This is letting go, in a nutshell. Releasing the pervasive clouds to reveal the inner sun.

When you get angry over regrets please don’t judge yourself. If you could have done better, at the time, you would have. Also, notice when you escape into avoidance of your shadow. My suggestion is to create awareness around what you do when you get uncomfortable. Many people dive into uplifting readings and affirmations. These offer a temporary “feel good”. Yet sometimes we do this, to avoid letting go.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” ~ Dr David R Hawkins

Because you will “forget” issues where you’ve let go, it’s helpful to write down what’s causing suffering. From here, simply set an intention to let them go.

Face whatever comes up with acceptance and curiosity. Let Go. If you feel in a hurry, let go these sensations. When you notice yourself analyzing and thinking, take a deep breath and let go. Of course, it’s always your choice to let go or not.

Last week I got blindsided by an issue. For half a day, I forgot I even had the choice to let go! It took a dear friend to remind me. 🙂

You and I serve the world by what we’ve become. In our “becoming” we are courageously letting go.

Let’s remember to be patient with ourselves and brave for each other.

Love and Hugs,

Doree

If you imagine someone who is brave enough to withdraw all his projections, then you get an individual who is conscious of a pretty thick shadow. Such a man has saddled himself with new problems and conflicts. He has become a serious problem to himself, as he is now unable to say that they do this or that, they are wrong, and they must be fought against… Such a man knows that whatever is wrong in the world is in himself, and if he only learns to deal with his own shadow he has done something real for the world. He has succeeded in shouldering at least an infinitesimal part of the gigantic, unsolved social problems of our day. ~ Carl Jung

Dear Doree

I was very glad to find you because I read Letting Go by David Hawkins and have been trying to practice it, but of course I am always wondering if I am actually doing what he’s recommending. You’ve created a great resource here.

My question is about not being able to feel the emotions. Sometimes when I am focusing on an issue and releasing, I feel a little bit of the emotion, but then I just feel heat. Lots of heat like on my skin. And sometimes I feel a tension that moves up my body and often gets more tense at my neck. These physical sensations often move upward.

So I am feeling all these physical sensations, but not necessarily feeling any emotions like shame or guilt or anger. My emotions often feel blank, but I’m breathing and feeling strong physical sensations.

Has this ever happened to you? Is this part of the releasing in your experience?

Thank you! – D

Hi D

Thank you for your question.

You have a wonderful sense of what’s going on in your body. Well done!

The “heat” you mention is energy creating sensations in the body. From reading Dr Hawkins book you may recall, the body is unable to experience itself. Interpretation is the domain of the mind (the experiencer). Which explains why on anesthesia we don’t feel the body. Mind is asleep.

In letting go, the mind is awake but unnecessary. An active ego mind during letting go can halt the process. Thinking seems to hold the body captive and tense. Hence, Step 2 of the Letting Go Method – Clear Away All Thoughts. Just sink into allowing the body’s sensations. In this non-resistant state, the body naturally lets go.