Letting Go of, “You should…”

You "should" open the door

You “should” open the door

Dearest Reader,

I invite you to consider this blog post.

That’s my nice way of asking. And, you’re thinking about it…

Now, what if I said, you should read it? In fact, I’m telling you, this blog should be required reading. It should make you smarter. Or less stupid. I’m not sure which.

Oh hey!  Don’t bail yet!

I don’t like getting should on either.

Same as you.

Clearly, we share the same feelings of irritation when someone swoops into our space with their, Fix a Human toolkit, full of handy advice. Oh, they’re full of it all right.  And soon you’re gonna get hit by their, Should Storm.  This post might help (notice I didn’t say should?). We’ll have a look at what’s going on and share some effective strategies to let go, while being should on.

“We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.”

~ Zhuangzi

What motivates someone to give advice? I know sometimes we ask for it. “Help me please! I don’t know what to do.” Other times we act helpless. Maybe pathetic? Thus attracting rescue-types. Perhaps you are of the rescue persuasion yourself? Hey, I’m not judging your super hero costume. I’ve got one too.

But I was not in a rescuing mood when I began writing this post. I was angry. Yah. Pissed at all the people over the years who’ve should all over me. I remembered the unhealed times I just needed someone to listen. Instead, I got mountains of unsolicited advice. Funny how a little, “You should…” can make you feel like an even bigger loser.

Then it hit me. When we share our wounds it frightens people. Because they have wounds too. In an instant, they have to do something quick or face their own stored up negative emotions. A quick escape (from our own dark closet) is to give someone else a few pithy words of advice. There. Let’s place the focus on you (and your crap) so I don’t have to notice me (and my crap). We become do-gooders. Full of unconscious but socially and politically acceptable solutions.

“Concede to ‘what is’ versus ‘what ought to be’”

~ Dr David R Hawkins

I’ve also noticed when I’m upset about something someone, “did to me,” and I share it with a friend, I create a disruption. The seas were calm. But as I told my tale of woe, storm clouds appeared. Now we’re both treading in rough water instead of just me. This got me thinking.  Do I really need to share my sad/mad story?


What if I told my friend,

“I’m in the process of letting something go. It would be lovely if we could just be together. I’m so grateful for your company.”

Check out – Part Two – What to Do, When You Get Should On, By Strangers