I love my siblings.
And I’ve let them go.
Does letting go of a sibling require you cease all contact? If you’re in danger, it does. Outside of peril, you still may choose to, love them from a distance. Yet, in the world of self-healing, some contact (despite strained relations), offers unique opportunities.
Here’s an example.
Imagine yourself attending a family gathering. Chose the purpose that fits for you, (reunion, wedding, birthday dinner, end of life celebration). Now, envision your sibling and their special brand of behaviour. The kind that seems to create stress for you. Notice how this time, however, instead of suffering, you choose to be different. Instead of thinking about anything, you become deeply aware of yourself and the sensations arising in your body. You choose to accept these and to breathe calmly. You choose to let go.
See yourself leaving the visit light as a feather and with a smile on your face.
I believed it was my job to fix the relationship. Of course it wasn’t my job. My job is to fix myself. Anything else is absurd.
~ Doree Blake
Let’s address some common questions on letting go of siblings.
When’s the right time to let go of my sibling?
Right now! You heard me. Don’t wait another second feeling betrayed, hurt or humiliated. Let go.
I’m so done! Can’t I just end it?!
You could. But what if you faced this and what if you healed it in yourself? Instead of “filing for sibling divorce,” you could see it as a call to inner work. Consider giving letting go a whirl on some painful sibling memories. Remember, you’re worth the time.
Letting go can bring up all manner of unhealed guck. Regarding siblings, I know your fear. Some siblings have done unforgivable things to us. You believe, if you let that one go, you’ll be defenseless and vulnerable. Your sibling will sense it and push you even harder. And, they might. Heck, they probably will. And, you’ll handle it.
When it gets really tough, I remind myself, of the reward for letting go. Inner freedom.
You’ll know when nothing they do triggers you, anymore. The hallmark of effective letting go is benign indifference. In the past, your siblings might have sent you emotionally through the roof. Provoking awful stories and insulting behaviours (on both sides). Maybe other relatives stuck their nosy, noses into things. Not to worry. The letting go practice cleans this all up. Stick with your self-healing. One day, in the presence of siblings instead of stressed, you’ll feel peaceful.
“Don’t call it anything, don’t label it anything. Keep your mind silent. You stay in touch with whatever you are experiencing, and you let go of resisting it. You are going to experience it, you are going to decompress it. You can do that with pain and any kind of suffering. The suffering is due to the resistance. If you keep surrendering to it you will undo it.”~Dr. David Hawkins, November Satsang 2006
May you find peace in your relationships and in yourself.
Your Sister, in Letting Go
To learn more about healing relationships, visit an earlier post, Letting Go of a Relationship.
How is your Letting Go Practice?
Doree offers lifestyle coaching and spiritual direction.
To book a session, Visit EmpathFit.com
Spiritual Directors International